The Large Hadron Collider Creates Black Hole Which Devours Earth

The Large Hadron Collider (LHC), built by the European Organization for Nuclear Research (EONR, though it keeps its Frenchie acronym, CERN) in Geneva, Switzerland, was switched on last week. Contrary to the assertions by esteemed physicist Brian Cox, the LHC did indeed produce a micro black hole that started to quickly accumulate mass, eventually devouring the Earth, its Moon, the rest of the planets in the solar system, the Sun, and Pluto. Surprisingly, God was relieved at the catastrophic and tragic demise of Her most favored species, humans. “They were such a pain in my divinely-shaped ass,” God quipped, sneaking a sidelong glance into a mirror over a cup of ambrosia. You know, as a deity, You sit around, getting bored with all the precise universal laws You’ve created, and after a while You just want to take a chance,... [read full story]